Tuhan, mengapa kau begitu keji? Apa karena kau bukanlah manusia, maka kau tak memiliki sedikit pun rasa kemanusiaan? Kau membuat Ibrahim berniat membunuh Ismail, anak kadungnya sendiri, hanya untuk memberi semacam ujian mengenai seberapa besar ketaatan umatmu.
Tuhan, bahkan aku tak benar-benar mengenalmu, walau sedari kecil aku sudah di cekoki segala macam dogma mengenai betapa agungnya dirimu. Sekali lagi, Tuhan, jika kisah Ibrahim yang bersedia membunuh anaknya demi menunjukan betapa taatnya ia terhadapmu itu benar, mengapa kau begitu keji sehingga membiarkan hal itu terjadi?
Ya, aku tahu, Tuhan, aku mendengar cerita bahwa kau mengirimkan seekor domba untuk menggantikan Ismail yang akan di sembelih, tetapi itu tetaplah hal yang memalukan bagiku. Bagaimana bisa kau mempermainkan hambamu hingga ia rela membunuh anaknya yang tak bersalah, lalu kau beri seekor domba untuk seakan-akan menebus ketaatannya? Bukankah Ibrahim adalah seseorang yang kaya raya, ia memiliki lebih banyak domba daripada yang kau berikan, ia memiliki lebih banyak harta daripada hambamu lain yang miskin dan menderita. Padahal mereka tinggal dan hidup di tempat dan zaman yang sama dengannya. Tuhan, mengapa kau begitu keji?
Setiap malam sebelum Idul Adha, takbir berkumandang di seluruh penjuru tempat tinggalku, orang-orang bersukacita menyambut hari esok dengan pawai dan kini, petasan. Tetapi Tuhan, tahukah kau apa yang ada di pikiranku kala takbir berkumandang? Darah, dan darah. Dan ketakutan.
Satu kali dalam satu tahun, domba-domba dan sapi-sapi dikumpulkan di sebuah lapangan, dengan resah mereka menunggu giliran untuk disembelih hidup-hidup, darah mereka mengalir dan memuncrat, dikuliti dan dibakar. Bahkan sebelum itu, tidakkah kau lihat, Tuhan, para domba dan sapi itu terlihat murung. Namun seketika mereka menjadi berontak ketika tiba gilirannya di sembelih. Leher dan kaki mereka terikat dan ditarik dengan tali, begitu kuat, mereka menjerit, mereka berusaha untuk melarikan diri. Mereka tumbang, lemah, tak berdaya, ketakutan, dan apa yang umatmu lakukan ketika menyaksikan itu? Mereka bersorak gembira, bertepuk tangan, tertawa, mengabadikannya melalui kamera. Tuhan, tidakkah itu sebuah kemunduran bagi kemanusiaan di mana tak seorang pun berusaha mencegah genosida binatang yang disaksikan dan disambut sebagai hari raya?
Tidakkah kau lihat, Tuhan, mereka tidaklah ingin mati hanya demi menjadi hidangan di meja makan umatmu yang membunuh mereka dengan keji namun meyakini bahwa penyembelihan itu adalah sebaik-baiknya cara membunuh mereka? Tuhan, pernahkah kau membayangkan sesuatu, domba-domba dan sapi-sapi itu juga memiliki anak-anak yang harus mereka susui? Mungkin mereka dipisahkan dengan anak-anaknya secara paksa, mungkin anak-anaknya mengangis dan berteriak-teriak memanggil Ibunya. Tuhan, bukankah itu menyedihkan?
Ya, Tuhan, aku juga mendengar para Khotib yang menjelaskan bahwa penyembelihan itu di lakukan sebagai simbol membunuh “kebinatangan” yang ada di dalam diri manusia. Namun itu tetaplah tidak membuatku percaya, Tuhan, itu tetaplah memalukan.
Tidakkah kau lihat, Tuhan? Para binatang juga memiliki sifat kasih sayang yang mereka tumpahkan kepada anak-anak mereka, pasangan mereka, hingga kepada alam yang menjadi tempat tinggal mereka. Dan justru, manusialah yang lebih buas. Manusialah yang merusak rantai makanan. Manusialah yang merusak Bumi dan segala isinya. Tetapi Tuhan, mengapa kau kini begitu keji dengan terus membiarkan hal-hal semacam ini terus dilakukan manusia? Bukankah pada zaman kejayaan umatmu dulu, kau terkenal dengan keagunganmu yang mampu meratakan dan memusnahkan tempat-tempat dengan manusia-manusia dzalim di dalamnya? Namun kini, di mana kau Tuhan?
Dan lagi, Tuhan, tidakkah kau lihat kemunafikan umatmu kini semakin menjadi-jadi? Kemarin, mereka berlomba untuk mengirimkan domba-domba dan sapi-sapi yang sehat, gemuk dan bersih. Bahkan seorang presiden sebuah negara pasti selalu mengirimkan sapi yang sangat besar. Namun keesokan harinya, lusa, minggu dan bulan depan, peristiwa dan “lomba-lomba” itu akan hilang begitu saja. Mereka yang awalnya bersukacita, akan melupakan peristiwa kemarin oleh karena rutinitas mereka sendiri. Kemarin, semua umatmu seakan-akan merasakan sebuah koneksi yang sama yang membuat mereka menjadi satu, sama rata. Namun keesokan harinya, lusa, minggu dan bulan depan, korupsi kembali terjadi, penggusuran paksa, lahan perkebunan yang diratakan demi pembangunan kembali dilanjutkan, umatmu yang miskin kembali menangis dan kelalaparan, sementara umatmu yang kaya semakin kaya.
Sebagian dari umatmu yang lain, kembali turun ke jalan-jalan dengan meneriakkan namamu, mencaci sesama manusia yang mereka anggap tak sehaluan, mengancam dan menebar terror. Pemaknaan akhirnya hanyalah sementara, lalu semua kembali kacau dan tak bermakna. Tuhan, tidakkah kau menyadari itu semua? Tidakkah kau menyadari bahwa itu semua dilakukan umatmu di atas namamu sendiri?
Tuhan, di mana keagunganmu? Mengapa kau terus membiarkan semua ini terjadi? Mengapa hanya di zaman kejayaan umatmu dulu saja kau mampu menunjukan keagunganmu itu? Mengapa kini kau semakin terlihat memiliki sifat manusia? Tuhan, sedang apa kau di sana? Tuhan? Mengapa kau diam saja? Tuhan, apakah kau benar-benar ada?
Agnostik Idul Adha pojok Qurban
Last modified: 11 Agustus 2019
Oalah Gilang itu agnostik ta
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